


The Nine Satanic Sins

by penoftruthiness



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Gilfoyle doesn't know how to express his feelings so he just insults everyone instead, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 20:17:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4679948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penoftruthiness/pseuds/penoftruthiness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dinesh breaks nearly all of Gilfoyle's rules, but somehow he doesn't mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Nine Satanic Sins

**Author's Note:**

> I was attempting to write a much longer fic (because this pairing has completely taken over my life), but ended up looking up some facts about Satanism and got inspired.
> 
> Come talk to me on [tumblr](http://conversationslikeminefields.tumblr.com/).

**1\. Stupidity**

Gilfoyle had started competing with Dinesh the moment Erlich let him in the house. Something about Dinesh's smug, yet self-concious approach to the world pissed him off so badly. He had to be better. He had to show Dinesh that he was better. 

When he started building the data center in the garage, he finally saw Dinesh realize that Gilfoyle was better at something. He watched him break his (incredibly expensive) system and look embarrassed, but then switch to looking like he was experiencing goddamn Nirvana when Gilfoyle ripped in a hole in the wall.

Gilfoyle had to show him how stupid he looked, so he kept the fitted, sweaty T-shirt on for the rest of the day, loving how Dinesh's eyes kept following him around the room. Did he actually think he was being subtle? 

**2\. Pretentiousness**

Richard's company name was so ridiculous. Pied Piper. Who named a company after a fairy tale? Much less a fairy tale that had nothing to do with the actual aim of the software they were all writing.

He and Dinesh made fun of the name (and Richard) mercilessly. When even Jared couldn't undersand where the name came from, he rolled his eyes in Dinesh's direction. It was so sad how light Dinesh's answering grin made him feel.

**3\. Solipsism**

When he was younger, Gilfoyle had flirted with the idea that he was the only real person in the world. Especially when he seemed to be the exact opposite of everyone in his family and didn't even have the excuse of adoption for the separation.

That, of course, left the question of why he'd chosen to torture himself so completely with the people around him. So, he took control of his own life. He left his house, fell in with some of the more underground elements of Toronto, and fell in love with a girl.

It turns out, Gilfoyle loved sex. It was incredibly gratifying to himself, but it was also amazing watching how another person reacted to him and his body. It was probably the first time he didn't feel at all alone.

The girl dumped him pretty quickly (nothing lasts long between teenagers), but Gilfoyle still found himself ocasionally having sex with people that he liked, but would probably never talk to again.

Sometimes, when Dinesh started acting too much like he was the ruler of the house (even though there were, like, three people in line for that title before him), he liked to imagine him giving every part of himself to someone else. Maybe if Dinesh was entirely lost in someone else's feelings, he would shut up for once.

**4\. Self-deceit**

The code gay thing was ridiculous, and he knew it. But Dinesh clearly wasn't admitting something to himself, so it was only to be expected. Hearing "almost every woman is attractive" was the last straw. The only time that Dinesh had talked about a woman as anything more than an unattainable object was when he thought one had written beautiful code. Dinesh was fooling himself if he thought he could settle for just any girl. He would obviously be so much happier if he could discuss logic problems in bed in the mornings. Or some lame shit like that.

**5\. Herd Conformity**

Silicon Valley had a way of turning everyone into sheep. Gilfoyle understood, really. At one point, he had been starving with no idea where he was going to be sleeping for the near future. He got the value of money. But holy fuck were some of these people ridiculous.

The other guys in the house all seemed to do fairly well avoiding trends. It was hard to go to expensive but popular restaurants when you had no money, and Richard and Jared had kind of bet their careers on standing up to the man. 

But Gilfoyle hated, absolutely despised, when Dinesh would talk about his family. Most of the time, the guy was a free spirit, developing apps and joining companies mostly for the pursuit of money. Gilfoyle approved of that self interest completely. But sometimes Dinesh would mention the grades he'd gotten all throughout school, or that his family was pressuring him to get a regular job and a girlfriend (well, wife). Those times, Gilfoyle would work on updating his list of alternative, not-job places to work once Pied Piper almost inevitably went under. He never shared it with Dinesh, but it was cool to have fall backs. He would go back to Canada before he let himself be homeless again, and Dinesh was pretty much the only person he could ever stand to work with, so he'd have to have him wherever he went next, too. Gilfoyle wondered if Dinesh would deal well with snowy winters. Maybe he'd freeze. Icicle Dinesh would be really easy to fuck with. 

**6\. Lack of Perspective**

Gilfoyle understood that Pied Piper was quite literally Richard's life. He got that. And Jared pretty much gave up every part of his life that wasn't completely sad to get in on the dream as well, so their fanatical devotion to the company made sense. 

So he was glad, at least, that Dinesh was there to try to keep things grounded with. They could always co-opt Jared's corporate resources for their own weird purposes (usually, but not always, sex-related). 

They even made a value chain to demonstrate which part of sex each of their co-workers would be most effective with. Jared with the comforting aftercare of some hard-core shit, Erlich with the pull, Gilfoyle with the hard-core shit itself, and Richard with the moment-killing but somehow endearing pillowtalk. They couldn't think of a role for Dinesh to fulfill for a long time, mostly because Gilfoyle kept using the situation as an excuse to point out how sad it was that Dinesh had never had sex before.

Eventually, Gilfoyle settled on Dinesh being the best fulfiller of a variant of Erlich's role, where he could get laid more out of pity than any kind of game. Dinesh also made a strong argument that there should be some kind of role for "virgin fuck", since so many people were obsessed with having sex with someone when it was the other person's first time, so there must be something special about it, right? Gilfoyle quickly shot that down, stating that that was a belief really only carried by creepy rapists. Sex was really just sex. Dinesh looked crestfallen at that, and Gilfoyle felt bad for about half a second, before he said:

"Well, you're probably never going to have the chance to be disappointed. So no worries."

Dinesh erased their entire chart from the white board in anger, but Gilfoyle had already taken a photo on his phone.

**7\. Forgetfulness of Past Orthodoxies**

"Hey, Gilfoyle?"

"Don't you have any work to do? Or are you just expecting me to build the hardware and code all of this shit?"

Dinesh glared at him. "I finished three modules today. When you catch up, you can mock me. Until then, you should tell me about Canada."

Gilfoyle spun around in his chair to look at Dinesh. "Why?"

"Because you never talk about it. None of us even knew you were an immigrant until Jared ran into legal trouble."

"He had trouble at the bank. Not the same thing."

"You only say that because you're white. Tell me about Canada."

"It's cold."

Dinesh practically whined. "Come on, man. You hate your mom. What's up with that? Is it because she's Canadian? Was she too polite to you as a child?"

Gilfoyle had spun back around by the time Dinesh had finished talking. "Politeness isn't the same thing as kindness", he muttered under his breath.

"Eh? What are you saying, eh?" Dinesh was putting on the most offensively bad Canadian accent he had ever heard. 

Gilfoyle flipped him the bird over his shoulder.

**8\. Counterproductive Pride**

Gilfoyle had a lot of pride in himself, and Dinesh held about the same opinion of himself. In some respects. In most other ones, he saw himself (accurately) as a piece of shit. But his coding was close to his heart.

This was fucking annoying when his code didn't work. And instead of fixing it, he decided to blame Gilfoyle. This particular incident set off four hours of arguing, an hour of Erlich yelling at them, a somehow more annoying twenty minutes of Richard yelling at them, and five minutes of debugging (technically done as a team, but mostly done by Gilfoyle).

It was kind of amazing that they ever got anything done.

**9\. Lack of Aesthetics**

Dinesh sat down heavily on the couch next to Gilfoyle and took a deep breath. Fuck, he sounded emotional. Time to get some blackmail.

"Rough date?" Gilfoyle asked, slight smile easily in place, avoiding direct eye contact by watching the TV. Some reality show was on. Dinesh would probably find this entertaining, after he'd let go of whatever shitty experience he'd had tonight.

"Fuck off." Dinesh started half-heartedly watching the show, too, but it seemed like his eyes were just staring at the screen, not registering anything. 

Gilfoyle paused for a second, trying not to be too much of a dick. If he wanted to get anything good, he was going to have to tread lightly. "Dude, what happened? It can't be worse than Erlich stealing your Tinder date."

Dinesh glared at him. "Did you really have to bring that up right now?"

Not to be deterred, Gilfoyle continued. "So, what went wrong? I thought you said she was your type and everything - tall, brunette, smart..."

"Oh yeah, she was my type for sure." Dinesh looked down at his hands. "I just wasn't hers."

"What, is she not into weaklings who work at so-far-unsuccessful startups?"

Dinesh was completely ignoring him. "She said I was completely unattractive. That I could never get anyone to go on a second date with me after they'd seen my actual face. She spent a lot of time talking about how that photo you put on my profile made me seem way better than I actually was."

Gilfoyle remembered that photo, which was one of the only ones that Dinesh didn't look like a total dumbass in. He did pick photos well.

"Anyway, she left before our food came. I have leftover salmon if you want it."

Gilfoyle's mouth twitched. "Well, she has good taste in food at least." 

"So, I'm just trying to accept that I'm always going to be alone."

Gilfoyle rolled his eyes at that. "Look, this girl was clearly an idiot. So, definitely not your type. Everyone is attractive to someone. Even you, possibly the most unattractive person on earth. Someone will want to fuck you. That's just statistics." 

"So you think I should keep going on Tinder dates?"

"Do you have any other pictures of yourself? Maybe we should go shirtless. Make sure they know what they're going to get."

"Fuck you, Gilfoyle." 

But Dinesh seemed happier than earlier, and quickly slipped into making fun of Amazing Race contestants. Gilfoyle counted it as a pretty decent night overall.


End file.
